I am sitting here  intermittently holding a quartz crystal for clarity and breathing deeply, and typing a few words.

A good place to start would probably be to explain my understanding of “the shadow side”. My

definition of it comes from my studies of psychology and counseling, so I have a Jungian view of

the shadow side. Carl Jung’s description is that it is the part of an individual that is hidden,

sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously, depending on the circumstances. Some

people have a different interpretation, which is that the shadow side is what they would call the

“bad” parts of themselves. What Jung proposed is that it might be parts of the personality that are

with it.

 I have come to place in my life where I began to feel safe and semi-comfortable to look at some of the experiences of my more distant past. My body actually gave me some signs that I could not ignore that caused me to dive deeper into my underlying stress level. I had the awareness that I was constantly running on a current of low-level, yet constant, stress, and I had symptoms of post traumatic stress. My body was beginning to suffer and showed me what was going on through rashes, unexplainable weight gain, swelling, and extreme fatigue. I sought guidance through a great acupuncturist, a body worker, my Shamanic Reiki community and select mentors, and checked it all with my Voice Within. I began to pay special attention to my body and listen to what it needed and wanted in order to heal and thrive.

life disassociated from physical sensations and unconsciously ignored even excruciating pain. So

I began the process of listening and talking to my body, and quickly found that my words

towards my body were mostly critical or nothing at all. On a good day I was passive aggressive,

and would not even look at my body in the mirror, or turn the lights very low so I couldn’t see it

all the way. On a bad day I was actively hateful with my words towards my body, and at times

would even punch my thighs in anger and scream “I hate you” to myself in the mirror or the

confines of my car. I applied a curiosity to these behaviors rather than the past judgment, and I

asked my Inner Voice, “What am I hiding? What am I afraid of? What is happening that I wake

up with a clenched jaw and I have to force myself out of bed each morning?”!

The response was revealed to me slowly in parts and pieces as I tentatively became more

comfortable with hearing the truth. My inner world began to be reflected to me in the outer

societal picture. As many groups over the past few years have begun to talk about things that

they formally kept in the dark, I would have visceral reactions to their stories. At times it would

take my breath away, or leave me in a state of silent tears. I observed, listened and comforted

myself as I continued to allow what was buried to surface as it could. I was waking up a part of

me that I had kept hidden for so long, or talked about with flat tone as if I was just reading the

back of a label, or giving a report on the weather.

I am grateful for the supportive groups that I have chosen over the past 9 years. The love and

us the exploration of light and dark. We had to pick an approach and stick with it for a four week

expression of what we chose. I picked “Exposing My Shadow Side”. When I began I thought it

would bring to light the stuff that I thought was my less than desirable characteristics. What it

really did though was show me that what I have been hiding fiercely are my gifts and passions

that I thought were not safe or acceptable to share, and my life experiences that contributed to me

living in terror and choosing to see myself as less than, not enough, too much, unworthy,

undesirable, and even wicked.

This was a transformative 4 weeks. I actually only ended up dancing 2 of the 4 songs I had

chosen for the session. The last two I became too physically ill to participate, yet I have not shied

away from honoring the hidden parts that came up. I absolutely believe that it is time to shine the

by hiding (sometimes even from myself) what has occurred in my life in the past, I continued to

actually create more of the same situations, and spent years feeling like a shell of a person with a

voice trapped in my chest unable to come out. I see the truth of abuse and violence; it is the

result of a long history of unexpressed pain and insecurity, usually coming from their own

conscious or unconscious experiences of the same. The expression “hurt people, hurt people”

comes to mind. Interestingly, exposing myself to my experiences has brought me out of feeling

like a victim, and into deep compassion towards myself and those whom I had these experiences

with in my past years.

The other theme that came up was my gifts and talents in the arts and intuitive abilities. I have

always been drawn to art, music, dance, and creative expression. Somehow I learned that these

pursued them as a hobby, but actually felt guilty about it, and have even sabotaged my own

success in these areas many times over. As far as the intuitive abilities; I see that I have always

had a propensity for tapping into my intuitive side, yet did not understand it, and I learned in the

world I grew up in that those abilities were dark and unacceptable. Again, the result is that I

suppressed them, or quietly used them only after carefully analyzing that the other party would

not attack me for my beliefs.

Hiding a whole entire side of ourselves becomes debilitating, yet the very act of hiding it is

necessary for us to survive certain situations so that we can get to a place where we can expose

the shadow side and see that there is actually nothing there to hide.

in. Today I can say that I am now thriving, and that thriving is growing exponentially as I

continue to not only expose and bring awareness to the stories of abuse, violence, and assault in

our world, but more importantly, to create and guide others in ways for all of us to practice,

teach, remind, and foster new, more compassionate ways of being and responding in our

families, in our communities, in our world, on our planet, and towards our own selves.

Because of my very experiences, my Divinely given gifts, and all my interesting studies; I know

that I can be a vehicle to bring Light to the dark spaces. Which means there will be no more dark

spaces, for darkness is simply the absence of light. I now understand fully that I am here for such

a time as this; where all of humanity is poised to shift the energy of their hidden selves and

experiences from one of darkness, to a new view in the beautiful Light. It takes courage, but only

with our life circumstances in just the same simple way: shine a light in the dark spaces and

watch them disappear, and allow those spaces to be filled back in with grace, forgiveness,

compassion, appreciation, sacred love, and glorious light.

Thank you for your time in reading this, and your presence here in this time and space.