“I am terrified at the thought of people I love dying. I actually feel it in my body. What’s wrong with me?”

Real People                      Real Questions                         Real Answers

Your state of agitation is actually a longstanding depression which presents as anxiety bordering on panic.  Although it is a obsessive thought pattern about loss, abandonment and the terror you feel, the source of the difficulty is not in your psychological body.  The psychological body is working to find a “reason” for the physical state you are experiencing.  This may sound backward to you. Our culture uses a linear way of noticing and labeling experiences-especially emotionally charged events.

Imagine that in utero your mother had very little that you needed to grow in a robust, joyful manner. She was chronically exhausted in all of her bodies: physical, mental, emotional, psychological and energetically.  If you have opportunity to have a conversation with her, it may help you to hear what her circumstances were at the time of her pregnancy the first three months. She was very low on folate and B vitamins.  There is extensive research with the effect on fetus development of low B vitamins and spinal cord development with folate.  You actually have done great with compensating with processing magnesium and zinc well.  Consider a good multivitamin each day. I like the liquid MultiVit from Biotics. The liquid decreases the bodies need to work hard to get what it needs. No matter how well you eat, there is speculation that our food is less nutritious than what the average body needs. Much can be said about that as a separate topic.

In your first trimester as an embryo, you were given less of the hormones needed to set up neurological pathways for mood stabilization.  This is a complex system and hardly anyone has it perfect! In your case, serotonin ( feel calm )  is very low and dopamine  ( feel good ) stays low to match the available feedback hormones.  Start with consulting your doctor for a recommendation for a mild antidepressant. St. John’s Wort is a first line of treatment in many countries. Ask if this would be good for you.  Give it some weeks to allow your body to recalibrate. You do a great job with meditation, yoga and clean food.  Keep in mind that your body is ready to correct this or your symptoms would not be shaking you up to an awareness to source out the help you need to master this!  Stay in touch.

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